Educators Share Candid Insights on Parental Habits They Wish Would Cease
This report compiles candid perspectives from various educational professionals, highlighting common parental behaviors that, perhaps unintentionally, hinder children's academic and personal growth. The insights gathered touch upon diverse aspects of the parent-teacher dynamic and student development, ranging from disciplinary responses and learning pace to emotional support and personal responsibility. The overarching message emphasizes the critical role parents play in fostering an environment conducive to effective learning and character building, suggesting that a shift in certain habits could significantly benefit students and strengthen the home-school partnership.
Educators' Insights: Navigating the Parent-School Dynamic for Optimal Student Growth
In a revealing survey conducted by Scary Mommy, educators from various fields—including former elementary school administrators, college prep tutors, and academic coaches—shared their earnest perspectives on parental practices they wish would be reconsidered. Their collective feedback paints a clear picture of how parents can better support their children's educational journey and overall well-being.
Sari Goodman, a former elementary school administrator and founder of The Parental Edge, pointed out the frequent issue of parents challenging appropriate consequences. She highlighted instances where parents dispute disciplinary actions, such as those related to technology use policies, often making excuses for their children. Similarly, Dr. Michelle Fitzgerald from Instructional Empowerment emphasized that grades are not arbitrary; they reflect a student's understanding and are typically not subject to change once administered, as students are given ample opportunities to demonstrate their knowledge.
The pressure to accelerate learning was another key concern. Bill Marsland, an experienced educator and director at Code Ninjas, observed that parents often prioritize speed and completion over genuine comprehension and skill acquisition, particularly in online learning environments. He stressed that learning requires time, repetition, and the opportunity for children to explore concepts thoroughly.
Jacqueline Spencer-Samaroo, a teacher with nearly two decades of experience, and Dan Godlin, founder of College Commit, both spoke about the detrimental effects of parental over-involvement. Spencer-Samaroo urged parents to stop "doing everything for them," which robs children of responsibility and self-reliance. Godlin noted that micromanaging schoolwork or college applications often deprives students of the independence vital for success in higher education and beyond.
Regarding student well-being, Emily Lowe, founder of Big Brain Coaching, and Goodman underscored the importance of rest. They explained that over-scheduling children with excessive tutoring and extracurriculars leads to exhaustion, hindering their ability to focus and learn effectively. Dr. Pamela Roggeman, Dean of the College of Education at the University of Phoenix, and Fitzgerald further highlighted the critical role of consistent routines—including adequate sleep, nutritious meals, and a dedicated homework environment—in supporting academic success. They cautioned against the negative impacts of late-night screen time, missed breakfasts, and frequent absences for vacations.
Justin MacDonald, head of The Academy at District Church, along with Fitzgerald, addressed the issue of "rescuing" children from failure. They argued that constantly intervening prevents children from developing resilience and problem-solving skills. True learning, Fitzgerald explained, often involves "productive struggle" that pushes students beyond their current cognitive level.
Communication also emerged as a significant area. MacDonald advised parents to "be cool" in their interactions, avoiding late-night, frustrated messages or bad-mouthing other students. Roggeman and Fitzgerald noted that while teachers appreciate proactive communication during school hours, late-night contact attempts are generally unhelpful, as teachers prioritize instruction during the day.
Negative attitudes from parents can also undermine a child's learning. Fitzgerald explained that parental negativity toward teachers or the school fosters a sense of distrust in children, impacting their sense of belonging. Godlin added that parental remarks like "you're just not a math person" can prematurely shut down a child's motivation and confidence. The educators advocated for a partnership where parents trust teachers and focus on building skills and confidence rather than dwelling on negativity.
The exclusive focus on grades was another point of contention. Fitzgerald suggested that parents should shift their inquiries from final grades to asking about their child's learning process and strategies, emphasizing that the journey of learning is more important than just the outcome. Godlin also warned against setting unrealistic expectations for test scores or college admissions, stressing that mental health and individual strengths should always take precedence.
Finally, the concept of a "fixed mindset" versus a "growth mindset" was discussed. Fitzgerald and Godlin both highlighted that parents who adopt a fixed mindset, believing abilities are inherent and unchangeable, can inadvertently hinder their children's progress. Instead, fostering a growth mindset, which recognizes that knowledge and skills grow with effort and feedback, is crucial for long-term academic success. Nathaniel A. Turner, author and co-founder of The League of Extraordinary Parents, along with Roggeman and MacDonald, delivered a powerful message about parents outsourcing their responsibilities. They asserted that teachers are experts in instruction, not in raising children or instilling core values like persistence and empathy. They urged parents to embrace their primary role as family leaders and partners with educators, rather than delegating fundamental parental duties.
These insights collectively underscore the importance of mindful parenting practices, open communication, and a collaborative spirit between home and school for the holistic development of every child.
Reflections on Parental Support in Education
This comprehensive dialogue with educators offers invaluable lessons for parents striving to optimize their children's educational experience. It becomes clear that effective parenting in the academic context extends beyond merely ensuring homework is done or good grades are achieved. Instead, it encompasses fostering independence, resilience, and a positive attitude towards learning. The insights highlight the necessity of respecting the school's role and rules, maintaining open and appropriate communication, and recognizing that a child's emotional and physical well-being—including adequate rest and a structured home environment—are foundational to their academic success. Ultimately, the report encourages parents to view themselves as partners with educators, jointly committed to nurturing well-rounded, capable individuals who are prepared to navigate the complexities of life with confidence and self-reliance.